Ten-nial Celebration

What you are reading right now is the tenth edition of Extra Innings. In honor of this milestone, I’d like to look back and reflect on some points that I’ve previously addressed. I thought it would be cool to have ten points – but I don’t have that much space. So here’s five. In an order that makes sense to me.

5) I’m sorry about the Seneca Park Zoo’s loss of the baby elephant. Earlier on in the year I made the comment that they’d be “birthing some more elephants” and that we could borrow them for elephant polo. I felt kind of bad looking back at that. So, I’m sorry, elephant lovers of the world. I’m a Republican, so it touched me too.

4) I proposed that our football team should challenge USC. In the end, our season didn’t turn out exactly how we wanted it to but hey, neither did USC’s. On top of that, they basically lost the entire team to the draft. At least we still have a lot of our guys for next season. Ha. We’re still going to get you, Mount Union. You just wait.

3) Hockey got a raw deal. This is probably one of the hardest working club sports at Fisher and deserves to either be made an official sport or get better funding. I know that it’s a club’s responsibility to get funding but it’s an expensive sport and it really isn’t logical to expect them to foot the bill by themselves.

2) I still stand by what I said about the mascot. Update or overhaul. It’s a cardinal, not the Phanatic.

1) I recently commended the school for naming the basketball court in honor of Bobby Wanzer, the founding coach of the game here at Fisher. I praised the administration for refusing to succumb to monetary desires and for recognizing an integral part of our history.

I take it back.

I found out that for the court to be named after Wanzer, a group had to raise $100,000 in his name.

Ten grand.

Is that what it takes to honor someone here at Fisher? Money? Where’s the honor in that? What’s next? Rich Uncle Pennybags Presents Bon Appetit? Richie Rich Hall? Montgomery Burns Park-N-Ride?

I’m sorry, Bobby Wanzer, but despite all the pomp and circumstance you saw at the ceremony unveiling the court, the school insulted you. And we all owe you an apology for letting that happen.

And with that, here’s to another ten.

- Originally published in the Cardinal Courier (Volume 5-Issue 10; March 5, 2006)

Fisherlympics

For those of you keeping track, 2006 is once again a year for the Olympics. More specifically, the Winter Olympics. The 2006 Turin Winter Olympic Games.

While the Summer Olympics go hand in hand with presidential elections and have the more traditional events like swimming, running, and trampoline, the Winter Olympics are somewhat limited – basically to events that involve snow or ice. Which is why they’ve had to find a dozen different ways to compete with a snowboard. Boy, am I looking forward to Snowboard Hopscotch. Go Team USA!

Anyways, it seems that people really don’t care about the Games this time around. Maybe it’s because fan faves likes Michelle Kwan are gone. Or maybe it’s because no one cares about Russian dudes dressed in sequins. Or maybe it’s because Turin is just too far away. Or maybe it’s because there’s also another session of Olympics going on in some city called Torino. Man, that’s some poor scheduling.

Maybe we need to create some Olympic excitement here at Fisher.

Welcome to Fisher Winter Olympics I.

Athletes will compete in many thrilling events staged around the lovely grounds of Fisher’s Pittsford campus. Some of the featured events include:

•The Murph Marathon: Participants must trudge through several feet of snow, braving blustery winds all in hopes of getting to class in time. Will the paths be plowed? Will traffic allow them to cross over to Fisher? Will these daring athletes make it to Basil despite the cruel luck of being placed in the Murph?

•Campus Center Speed Skating: Fisher Olympians will race through the new Campus Center, trying not to slip on the stylish yet dangerous tiling. Yes, those multi-colored squares may look cool but don’t let your guard down or else you will find yourself in last place.

•Cold Shower Plunge: Competitors will test the very limits of their endurance in the Keough Hall showers. Who needs warm water when you have guts? Only those with heart should enter this battle. Heart and immunity to hypothermia.

•Hockey: Oh . . . that’s right – we cancelled that. Never mind.

Those rooms above the Cyber Café will be used to hold the medal ceremonies – no one’s ever in there anyways. The medals themselves will actually be made from spray painted AOL CDs since I don’t think the school’ll spring for real gold, silver, and bronze – well, maybe bronze. I pretty sure bronze runs cheap.

All we need now is TV coverage. Somebody call Bob Costas. I can’t wait.

- Originally published in the Cardinal Courier (Volume 5-Issue 9; February 22, 2006)