Ten-nial Celebration

What you are reading right now is the tenth edition of Extra Innings. In honor of this milestone, I’d like to look back and reflect on some points that I’ve previously addressed. I thought it would be cool to have ten points – but I don’t have that much space. So here’s five. In an order that makes sense to me.

5) I’m sorry about the Seneca Park Zoo’s loss of the baby elephant. Earlier on in the year I made the comment that they’d be “birthing some more elephants” and that we could borrow them for elephant polo. I felt kind of bad looking back at that. So, I’m sorry, elephant lovers of the world. I’m a Republican, so it touched me too.

4) I proposed that our football team should challenge USC. In the end, our season didn’t turn out exactly how we wanted it to but hey, neither did USC’s. On top of that, they basically lost the entire team to the draft. At least we still have a lot of our guys for next season. Ha. We’re still going to get you, Mount Union. You just wait.

3) Hockey got a raw deal. This is probably one of the hardest working club sports at Fisher and deserves to either be made an official sport or get better funding. I know that it’s a club’s responsibility to get funding but it’s an expensive sport and it really isn’t logical to expect them to foot the bill by themselves.

2) I still stand by what I said about the mascot. Update or overhaul. It’s a cardinal, not the Phanatic.

1) I recently commended the school for naming the basketball court in honor of Bobby Wanzer, the founding coach of the game here at Fisher. I praised the administration for refusing to succumb to monetary desires and for recognizing an integral part of our history.

I take it back.

I found out that for the court to be named after Wanzer, a group had to raise $100,000 in his name.

Ten grand.

Is that what it takes to honor someone here at Fisher? Money? Where’s the honor in that? What’s next? Rich Uncle Pennybags Presents Bon Appetit? Richie Rich Hall? Montgomery Burns Park-N-Ride?

I’m sorry, Bobby Wanzer, but despite all the pomp and circumstance you saw at the ceremony unveiling the court, the school insulted you. And we all owe you an apology for letting that happen.

And with that, here’s to another ten.

- Originally published in the Cardinal Courier (Volume 5-Issue 10; March 5, 2006)

Masked Mayhem

Did anyone see our mascot at the last football game? Yeah, me neither. There was some guy in a red chicken suit pacing back and forth on the concourse – what’s that? That was our mascot? Oh. I see.

So our school has a highly competitive football team and a packed beyond capacity stadium. But the representation of our school, our spirit is a scrawny, red bird. Possibly made of felt. Or rejected Muppet. I’m not really sure. He’s never come into the stands. I’ve never seen him lead a cheer or do a cool dance or mock the other team. In fact, I’m not even sure if he’s a him.

Does or mascot have a name? Is it something clever, like Carla the Cardinal? Brock the Bird? Fernando Fowl? (See, alliteration is clever.) Maybe the mascot should wear a name tag or something. Not like we’d be able to see it as he hides under the stands.

In case you haven’t realized it yet, a mascot can pretty much get away with anything it wants. Ever see these guys at other sporting events? Mascots dance on dugouts, hassle refs, steal kids’ hats, and high five just about anyone within arm (or wing) length. Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever gotten a high five from the Fisher mascot? Yeah . . . that’s what I thought.

We need a new mascot. A bold mascot. One that better represents our campus. Here’s what I propose. The mascot will still be a cardinal but will actually look like a cardinal. He might wear sunglasses, since guys who wear sunglasses all the time are cool. For example, whenever Snoopy put on sunglasses, he became Joe Cool. And we all want a cool mascot, right? Now our mascot’ll need a slick name. I’m going with Crusher. Crusher the Cardinal. Since we crush our opponents. That’s tough.

A couple of people have told me that the Fisher mascot is actually a work study job and that he only shows up when there’s a student to do it. Somebody gets paid to be the mascot? The school pays someone to have the right to anonymously have free reign of the crowd and most of the stadium? I’d do that for free. In fact, I’m offering my services right here, right now. I’ll be the mascot at a football game for free. With full immunity, that is.

- Originally published in the Cardinal Courier (Volume 5-Issue 2; October 5, 2005)