An Indecent Proposal?

It’s that time of year again in the sporting world. The best of the best come together in a brilliant spectacle, one that fathers will someday tell their sons about. Legends will be born. Careers will be forged. History will be made.

No, I’m not talking about the Olympics.

I’m talking about the pinnacle of publishing – the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

What’s that you say? Not sports? Sexist? Inappropriate? Yes, no, and have you ever been to the beach?

For those of you who have somehow missed the phenomenon known as the Swimsuit Issue, here’s how it works. Every year, Sports Illustrated puts together a modest collection of a few females modeling current swimwear. And it sells like crazy. Like crazy.

From what I’ve heard, Sports Illustrated makes more money from this single issue than some magazines make in an entire year. While the Super Bowl is the … um, Super Bowl of TV advertising, the Swimsuit Issue is the Super Bowl of print advertising.

There’s a lot of money to be made in a Swimsuit Issue. Which is why I’m proposing the creation of the Cardinal Courier Swimsuit Issue.

I’m not saying that we should fill it with Fisher co-eds in swimsuits (but I’m not saying that we shouldn’t) as the Courier Swimsuit Issue will feature actual models but in the Fisher setting. Instead of tropical locales like the Bahamas or islands owned by rich guys you see on MTV Cribs, imagine layouts done in great places like the Cyber Café or Bon Appetit. We can throw some sand around the Cyber Café since there’s never really anyone in there anyways. The one and only Jim Leibow can help us with the Bon App pages, crafting ice sculptures and decorations made from pineapples and other fruits that come from warm places.

I’m sure that with our own Swimsuit Issue, we could make the Courier circulation skyrocket. Kids from other schools would want copies; we’d win even more awards. And everyone would want to be a photographer for the Courier.

All of this popularity would be because of the stunning literary qualities of this issue, of course. Like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, ours would feature great articles and … other great … stuff … and everyone would read it … for the … articles … yeah …

Now, you may be saying to yourself, how can a college in the Catholic tradition possibly allow such a depraved thing like a swimsuit issue to exist on campus? Well, a drag show somehow slipped in so I think this can fly too.

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